Last night when I got back to KK from Beaufort I thought my mum will be very happy to see me, but turns out..... you know that cicak sound? yeah, she make that sound when she see me. She's the one has been asking me to go back to KK yesterday.... she suppose to happy to see me when im back but all hse want to see is if Im already lose some weight or what? I only come back coz My little siblings are calling me and I have to leave my dad, my step mum and my baby brother just for her. I should have been a cold person and not going back at all, but i dont want to be a bad person....... I just go back anyway............... mummy lecture me bout me have to lose weight starting now, mummy pukir fatin nda cuba ka? fatin bukannya makan banyak sangat masa di hostel, boleh mummy cakap "apala fatin buat di sana? Pig out?"
Mummy seriously, I know you care for me and you dont want people to laugh at me or talk behing my back coz of me being fat and me as the fact of being a fashion student but not making myself look like a fashionable student..... that doesnt mean you have to say anything that hurt myt feeling. I know I have to loose weight, I know I have to buy some new clothes and have to make myself look good, but mum, I dotn want to waste money on buying clothes and I know I should loose weight.... so many times................
I dont hate you, Im just angry at you. One thing for sure that I DO NOT LIKE BEING MISUNDERSTOOD!!! Fatin masih ingat lagi tu masa kecik dulu2.... kak long kasih pecah mummu punya crystal flower vase and I was there... then suddenly kak long points at me and said it was fatin who broke it and then ran off..... before I can even say anything mummy sudah pukul fatin..... banyak lagi benda2 yg fatin nda buat salah pun mummy boleh pikir salah fatin but sebenarnya bukan fatin yg buat. Mummy mo sangat ka fatin finally lawan cakap mummy supaya mummy puas hati? Fatin nda mau derhaka dengan mummy tapi bila fatin tau itu bukan salah fatin atau bukan fatin yg buat then I have to speak out!
Fatin terpaksa diam2 ja klu mummy mula lecture fatin pasal my weight, there will be time when fatin malas sudah mo jadi good girl..... mummy cakap muka fatin macam taik ja.... sudah muka fatin macam ni macamana boleh buat lagi? Mo plastic surgey supaya mummy puas hati?
Fatin nda mau derhaka dengan mummy..................................
There so many in the past that you should witness it.... I wish you were in my shoes since I was born till now.... Nasib Abah dengan Umi paham fatin.... I dont want to say that you dont know me but since the divorce... is like you dont even know me, bila kak long ada di rumah mummy baru mummy lega, ya la kak long kurus and I know I will be in trouble if I donbt loose weight.
Yes I look really horrible in my style to you... but so what, Its what I m comfortable with, I knw im a fashion student but I dnt want to be one of those fashion people who are look so good on the outside but bitches in the inside.... i dont want to be like that in the future.......... I am who I am.
You are my mother no matter what....
I dont want to say anything bad bout you any longer.... I wish you could just understand my feeling
well..its true u cannot fight back to ur mother but somethings u just have to let it out so she know how u felt all tis time..hang in there ok?
ReplyDeletebut sometimes even if i let it out, i end up being scold even more and... macam even more diketepikan.... Kak Long kita ja yg slalu dia ok
ReplyDeleteMacamana boleh buat, bersabar je la
anyway, thanks
My mom's like that sometimes too.
ReplyDeleteShe thinks all I do is party and go out and just want to goof off and not care about college, etc.
When really, I just want to see my friends during the break. But it's not about me.
Listen, you're hardly what I call fat, I think you're proportionate, you look good the way you do. You don't have to look fashionable just because you're in fashion, you don't need to be skinny to be in fashion either!
Sooner or later, you're mom's going to have to realize that you're a big girl now and you're out there in the world making a name for yourself. I try to sit down with my mom and try to talk to her, maybe you can too? You don't have to get her to agree with you 100%, but maybe you two could try to understand each other and see each other's point of view. That helps :)
~ Amanda >w< ♥
Love you amanda and ash <3
ReplyDelete